Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Mystery man

Last night I stopped by Smith's on a mission to replenish the bare necessities--oatmeal, spinach, granola bars...from the sound of it, I actually eat a healthy diet.  Joke's on you!  Anyhow, after wandering the very poorly planned aisles of the store, I popped up to registers to self-check.  I saw an attractive fella at one of the other registers who was talking on his cell phone, so I smiled. 

He waved. "Hi!"

And this was not just a friendly, you-are-a-kind-stranger "hi," either.  A full-on, we know each other and have had many conversations type of greeting.

I counted myself lucky that he was on the phone and couldn't devote his attention to me or my stash of cheap light margarine (because people judge each other on their grocery purchase decisions, right?).  My thoughts tumbled around. "Puh-leeeease don't let him finish at the same time as me and try to start up a conversation.  He's on the phone, right?  He certainly can't want to talk to me.  He was just being friendly.  How on earth do I know this guy??  Be cool.  Good thing you look cute."

Grocery checking has never been so hurried or urgent for me.  Handle the eggs with care, weigh the bananas, slide the card, snatch the receipt, try to struggle to get those stupid plastic bags off the holder...home free!


Whether he planned it on purpose or not, I will never know--mostly because I cannot figure out who this guy was!--but he finished and came over as I was grabbing the last of my groceries and started up small talk.

Him: "How have you been?"
Me: (awkwardly) "Good!  Good!"  (Inner dialogue: "Just act cool and keep the conversation really vague...he'll never know.")
Him: "Just out picking up a few late-night things?"
Me: "Yep, I've got a long day tomorrow and needed some stuff."
Him: "Finals and stuff?"
Me: "Yeah...but I'm almost done!" (Thinking: "He knows I'm in school...?  Is that just a lucky guess?")

The conversation continued for about another twenty seconds as we walked out to our cars, and luckily I made it through without blowing my cover.  Heaven shone upon me with the fact that our cars were mercifully parked on opposite sides of the lot.

Immediately, I texted two friends about the incident.  One of my friends responded, "I don't think you would forget a cute guy."  To which I answered, "Right?? I have a good brain filing system for attractive dudes...Maybe he's just a cute guy who was trying out some pick-up strategy of pretending he knows a girl and seeing how far she'll play along."

This girl will play along the entire time.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The way things were...

Lately I've been thinking about weird things I did as a kid (and even some as a full-on grown-up). Now, if I saw a kid doing some of these things, I'd call them weird. Guess I've always known I'm an odd person....I'll let you be the judge now, I guess.

1) Cutting out letters from magazines so I could make signs or write things with them. Yes, because at 10 years old, I decided it was cool to act like I was asking for ransom. Don't worry, I took it a step further and even created a little alphabetical organizing system so I could cut to my heart's content and then save them for a rainy day. My mom's poor BH&G magazines were basically shredded.

2) Counting "perdittles" on the freeway at night and having a goal to meet in any given car trip. If I met said goal in my head, then surely whatever wish I had at the time (usually that the boy I had a crush on would like me back), I would have granted. If I'm being completely honest, I did this up to the age of about 23. Um...yeah.....

3) Eating strange food items in nature. On the way home from the bus stop, my friend and I would see these purple flowers that we would pick off the stems and then suck out the "juice." My friend always told me they were safe...and I guess I'm not dead, so that's nice. I remembered this one the other day when I was walking home from church and saw the same type of flowers. I refrained from eating them. Also on the list of weird things we ate as kids: "cheezy weeds," some sort of green weed that had a little middle that tasted like a green bean; and wild raspberries we found down by the creek. And yet I still haven't ever eaten a brussel sprout.

4) Dreaming up the idea of starting a business where I squished bread into little balls and other various shapes...and then SOLD IT. WTF?? Yeah, it was a foolproof plan with very little overhead cost (because my parents bought the bread, meaning it was free, right?) and driven by a lot of ambition. And really, who wouldn't want to eat a smooshed up piece of bread that had been rolled in the hands of a small child?

I'm positive there are more things like this that I've done. When I remember them, I'll post part two of this lovely confession...