Thursday, February 3, 2011

Relationship PSA

I am a sympathetic crier. Strike that--I basically cry at everything that is slightly sad. And you know what has been making me despair lately? Boys who have been breaking my friends' hearts.

First, I would like to insert a disclaimer: I understand that sometimes relationships don't work. I get that, oh I get that. Two people aren't always necessarily going to be compatible, so break-ups happen. I'm not trying to be bitter against men, really I'm not. Disclaimer over.

Twice in the past three weeks, I have had tearful telephone conversations with incredibly close friends who have gotten unceremoniously dumped flat on their rears by guys. I don't know all the reasons. Heck, I bet the girls themselves are keeping themselves up at night, imagining all of the reasons these guys would have chosen not to be with them anymore.

Both women are beautiful.

Both are talented.

Both are incredibly intelligent and brilliant conversationalists and independent and funny and kind and good cooks and not crazy.

Know what else these two women have in common? Both have said to me, "I feel so stupid for letting myself actually think it could work this time." They had wanted so badly to believe that they could be loved for who they were. Weird, right?

My answer to each of them is this: How are you supposed to get anywhere in the dating world without taking some sort of risk? (Hello, Pot? Yes, this is Kettle...) I have to keep coming back to the fact that in order for a relationship to ever work, walls have to crumble, communication lines have to be created, and trust has to be forged.

What do you do when it all comes crashing down? When you've actually succumbed to the butterflies, handed over a good majority of your heart, and it doesn't work out? Why does it seem that girls cannot give in to loving a man without fearing that she will only be disappointed in the long run?

I'm not going to lie...having experienced a big share of my own heartache, I've become a tad jaded. It's like each time this happens, I fall and my heart gets scraped, it scabs over, and the scar tissue sets in. And each time, it gets a little uglier and a little rougher, and I don't want to make myself to being vulnerable ever again.

Inevitably, though, I jump back on that stupid horse. I, like my aforementioned friends, fear that maybe I'm so desperate for love in my life that I make myself emotionally vulnerable before I should. I want those butterflies so badly that I basically gift-wrap my heart and toss it to any man who will come close enough.

A side note to men (assuming any man reads my blog): I think you're great. I have some fantastic friends who are men, and sometimes they have a touch that a woman does not. But men, please be real. Please be gentle. Please have a little consideration when you embark on any sort of relationship with a member of the 'fairer sex.' If you must tell her that the two of you aren't meant to be, be honest. Don't necessarily make a list of reasons the two of you shouldn't be together, but consider for a moment the excuses you are using. If you're in love with someone else, don't lead another girl on. If you say that you'll still be friends with her, don't avoid her like she's a sickness.

Also, don't insert any of the following phrases into a conversation where you intend to break up with a girl:
  • "You have so many awesome qualities that I like..."
  • "It's been fun to get to know you, but I'm in love with someone else..."
  • "I'm going to be moving in a few months, so I don't want to lead you on..."
  • "You will be a great wife and mother someday..."

All of these lines have been used in real life. Ugh.

All I know is that in both instances above with my friends, the guys could have handled the situation SO much better. I've never been a guy before (wha...??), so I don't know how difficult the break-up scenario can be on that end, but time after time after time, I feel like some of my best friends (not just the two lately!) get the short end of the stick when it comes to relationships.

Moral of the story? I don't have one. If anyone has any thoughts/solutions to avoid these inevitable pitfalls, I would love to hear them.


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