It's hard for me to say I'm...thankful.

**WARNING: This post is going to be a bit philosophical, just a peek into some of my random musings as of late...**

Lately I've had a lot of reasons to be grateful. I have been blessed in so many ways, some of which I really don't understand. I think it's human nature, though, to feel undeserving of good friends, family, and everything else that abounds. What have I done to warrant all that I've received? The problem is that I am horrible at saying a good ol' humble thank you. I feel as though I have to reciprocate equally or better for my appreciativeness to be felt. And there's the rub.

Have you ever gotten a compliment, just to say, "Oh no, I'm not that great. I'm just li'l ol' me!" "I'm not that pretty..." "I don't have that much talent." These phrases are common occurrences in my repertoire of responses. I don't know why I feel like I have to downplay a talent or ambition of mine so I can *seem* humble. Why shouldn't I thank the person who has so graciously bestowed praise?

I guess part of my problem is that I feel like I have to return the favor anytime I have received something; it's as if I'm indebted to the person until I have found a way to let them know I appreciate them. From what I've heard, there are a lot of girls who feel a need to act the same way. It's like I feel I'm not good enough to warrant gifts or praise. For some reason, that cultivates a need in me to make up for a "good deed" deficit. So does this mean we're in a never-ending run-around of compliments and favors out of feelings of duty? I would think we're not doing anyone any favors if we only do it to rid ourselves of moral obligation. Wouldn't you say that a true gift is given straight from the heart (as cliche and cheesy as that may seem...)?

And so my resolve: accept gifts and compliments with a sincere 'thank you.' I am going to try to look for ways to more genuinely reach out and show my appreciation instead of feeling sucked into a vortex of just making sure the ball isn't in my court, gift-wise. I know that's the way I would want other people to receive my offerings of compliments or gifts. I guess gratitude doesn't need to be a huge showy display of affirmation or a contest to one-up each other as far as appreciation goes.

Alright...I'll hop down from this soap box for now and return you to your regularly scheduled programming of silly things I see and experience. :)