Dear World...

Dear UTA...please figure out a better way to get the trains to run on schedule. In my eight-minute walk to the station, I can't make up three minutes of time, even by jogging. So really, help a planner girl out and come when you say you will.

Dear Monday...I'm so glad you're over. We can be friends again when you're Memorial Day, mmkay?

Dear Body...please stop wigging out with migraines and strange stomach pain. I really do love taking time off work, but I'd rather be on vacation instead of crashing on the couch because I can't see straight.

Dear Dodgeball...I'm glad I didn't play you this evening, but it was sure fun to watch all the 20-something guys get so into a game meant for third-graders. My brilliant idea was to have people in the ward who have dated each other play on opposing teams. Talk about catharsis! Nobody else got on board with that, though. Oh well. I count my blessings that I avoided getting pegged in the face with a red bouncy ball.

Dear Men In General...I'm not scary. Or ugly. Or emotionally unsound. Really, I have a sparkling personality and a charming demeanor. And while this might seem a tad desperate, maybe--if you're not a creepster--you could consider me as a viable dating option. No, I don't want to have your children or back you into a relationship corner. But honestly, one date...too much to ask? Maybe. SIGH.

Dear Bed...your gentle caress takes a captivating hold on my body--until the sandman can't find me (e.g., last night). Which reminds me...Dear Diet Coke...I curse the fact I drank you.

Dear Weather...what a tease you are, with your warmer temperatures and basking-worthy splays of sunshine this afternoon! For the future, please keep the snow flurries to a minimum (it's March now, for crying in the mud!) and we'll get along just fine.

Dear Television...I'm glad the Olympics are over (Readers: keep your hate comments to yourself, thank you very much!) and that I got to watch Chuck tonight. "Cupcakes...of course I love cupcakes! Who doesn't love cupcakes?!"