Thursday, December 24, 2009

If I had more...

I've been waxing reflective lately, pondering about what I would do *if only*. In some cases, it's embarrassing, but I'd like to think that I'd do things differently--be a better person, help the world...that kind of thing. And so...

If I had lots more time... I'd do so many more things. I would learn languages. I would read more books and reflect on them. I would sleep. I would send thank you notes. I would decorate my apartment in coordinating fabrics and decor. I would actually learn how to play the guitar instead of just dallying in it for a few months. I wouldn't feel bad about taking long, moonlit walks or sitting in a bubble bath. What can you do, though? 24 hours in a day. 7 days in a week. 365 days later, and you're just a year older. The thing is, it's not like I DON'T have time! I think I need to learn to prioritize so I can accomplish goals instead of just whining here on my blog about how I never get to do anything.

If I had a lot more patience...I wouldn't snap at people who try to help me with frustrating projects. I'd stop driving like a maniac and getting bent out of shape at other drivers' little indiscretions. There would be no more grumbling at my nephew when he acts like a 7-year-old boy (which he it turns out...). I would figure that no one's perfect all at once, and I would work on my flaws little by little instead of feeling defeated by my fallibilities.

If I had a lot more faith...I could jump into things with both feet and not hem and haw about making decisions. It's always turned out well in the past. Sure, there have been some bumps and bruises along the way, but I'm grateful for and content about the way my life has gone, and I figure it's quite possible that it'll just get better.

If I had a lot more energy...I'd pull off some amazing feat of strength, like running a marathon. As it stands, I can barely do any sort of actual running--asthma gets in the way of the required breathing it takes to do things like that. With more energy, I could probably make gourmet meals and do things like keep my house clean and the laundry folded instead of getting home from work and crashing in front of the television until I can muster the initiative to make some semblance of put-togetherness.

If I had lots more motivation...I would go back to school. It keeps gnawing at my soul that maybe I should consider a Master's degree. Right now in my life would be the ideal time to do such a thing, so what's holding me back? The tests. The homework. The studying. The bureaucratic hoops. And then I begin thinking about all the pros... A degree. The chance to expand my horizons. More earning potential. What's a girl to do? Maybe some baby steps...who wants to decide what degree I get? Suggestions are welcome.

If I had lots more money... I'd travel. But I wouldn't just travel to go sight-seeing (although, that would be one of my aims). I would love to get into humanitarian work. I've seen small glimpses of this kind of outpouring of graciousness, and it's something I could really get behind. As far as money is concerned in this matter, I really do like to give. I mean, I can be frivolous, but if it came right down to it, I'd much rather help feed struggling third-world countries than live in a multi-million dollar home with a maid. It's been a secret dream of mine to really dedicate myself to a cause that helps better the world a little at a time. I realize it would be kind of a sick fantasy for me to believe that my tiny contribution will affect nations, but I'm a firm believer that every little bit helps. And I've seen the pictures that show the gratitude and love that people exchange in these ventures. I'd like some of that, both on the giving and the receiving end of things.


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